10 ways to include Intended Parents during Surrogate pregnancy
Although I am now a Surrogate, I was first a sister walking along side my brother and sister on their IVF journey. Witnessing the ups and downs they’ve faced trying to become parents has been filled with many tears, prayers and more tears. Now that we are finally pregnant and their little baby is on the way it’s important to include the parents-to-be in every way possible. Below I’ve shared a few ways I have included my intended parents to make them feel connected to this pregnancy.
Our pregnancy not my pregnancy. Deciding on this phrase early helps set the tone. When announcing to family and friends I specifically used the phrase “we are pregnant.” It places emphasis on the team we are now, and moving forward through this unique journey.
Invite Intended Parents (IPs) to doctors appointments, as many as possible. When scheduling appointments be sure to first coordinate with your OBGYN. Find out how many people are allowed in the back room. Be sure to share with them that you are a surrogate and would like to have the IP’s present. Once given the okay, try to schedule all appointments not just around your schedule but also your IPs. If they are unable to physically be there, FaceTime them or call them.
Share cravings.When/if I have cravings I share them with my IPs, especially my Intended Mother. This allows them to participate and share these moments with us. IPs may enjoy eating/drinking our craving simply because it connects them to us and their growing baby. You never know, they may surprise you and send a surprise craving treat in the mail one day.
Share pregnancy symptoms. Whether dealing with nausea, fatigue, restlessness, dehydrated, pains or all of the above share them with your IPs. Again, this allows them to feel connected to your full experience while carrying their baby. This will also help if you ever need to bring questions or concerns to your doctor.
Allow IPs to bond with your kids, if possible. I know my situation is unique as my IPs are my brother and sister, finding time for them to bond with my daughter is rather easy. However from this experience, I encourage all surrogates to find time to do this because it helps families bond. We’ve read a study how children of Surrogates have a positive relationship with the surrogate baby. Even to the point of feeling like the baby is their half sibling or step sibling. If you can cultivate a healthy relationship with both families the children benefit from it that much more. Read more.
Share weekly baby bump photos. We are currently sharing the Baby Center App where it provides weekly updates on baby’s growth and more. There’s a function to upload weekly photos to track our baby bump. This is helpful since they don’t see me everyday. Watching my belly grow virtually gives them the opportunity to stay up to date.
Give verbal consent to touch your belly. I didn’t realize how important this was until a conversation I had with my IPs. Even with my brother and sister I still needed to verbally grant them permission to freely touch my belly.
Share stories of how your kid(s) are responding to your growing belly. Send a quick text or voice message to IPs when you and your child(ren) have a special moment regarding the growing baby in your belly. It’ll likely warm their hearts and brighten their day.
Have check ins with IPs. Ask questions like; how are you feeling mentally and emotionally? How did you feel about the appointment today? How are you processing this growing baby? Equally, surrogates should also share with them. I know you’re not each other’s therapist but you are sharing this journey together which is nice when you can openly communicate what you’re feeling and how you’re processing things.
Determine birth plan together. Hopefully you’re as blessed as I am where my IPs care about my birth desires as much as I care about theirs. Work together to decide on a plan that fits both parties wants, needs and desires.
