Processing grief
It’s incredibly healthy to process grief in a creative way. Here I share two ways I've been processing the heaviness of grief, an open letter to one of my great aunts, whom I loved deeply, and a painting birthed through the pain. 
To my dearest Aunt Mary,
The morning I received the news, all I could think about was you. I found myself no longer interested in those last 30 minutes of sleep before my alarm was to ring. Instead, I headed to the place where you served many with great love, the kitchen. As I spent time preparing breakfast for my family I begin to process…
The matriarch of the family has gained her wings.
Wow! What a monumental moment. After 104 years of a long prosperous life you are now experiencing eternity. I imagine you are dancing and singing before the Lord in your glorified body. What a joyous moment this is for you. I celebrate with you, for you deserve this! You deserve to stand before the King of kings and gaze upon His glory. You deserve to be reunited with so many loved ones who left this world before you. I’m certain it’s only God’s faithfulness and mercy that allowed you to experience the life you did during your time on earth.
Around your 100th birthday I desired to know what your secret was to live a life the way you did. To have a clear mind, good memory and no major health challenges at your age is a testament to His grace. When I finally asked, you answered by saying “love”. So simple yet we know love can be so complex. I’m sure it wasn’t always easy to love but you found a way to make love a language you spoke fluently in. Whether it be through your words or actions the love you gave was genuinely pure. I can’t recall a moment where I’d been in your presence and didn’t encounter love. Each time I visited you, even in your later years, you were always so cheerful and excited to see me. Needless to say, I admired you. I admired how you served your family. I admired how much you believed in God’s word. I admired your expressions of love. You really knew how to make a person feel special. My heart is filled with gratitude. Your life was a gift. I am blessed to have known you, love you and be loved by you. I am grateful I am apart of your bloodline.
Despite my gratitude I still felt stunned. When I originally tried to formulate words to describe all that you were, I cried. Continuously. I’ve experienced the loss of my mother, my grandparents and now you too. I knew you weren’t going to be here forever but this was quite heavy. The truth is I was mourning. You held one of the highest callings a woman could ever bear, a mother. You willingly became a mother to more than those you birthed. I had tears filling my eyes knowing a part of me is now gone. The woman I’ve know all my life, all my parent’s life, even my grandparent’s life is no longer here. And though you were my great aunt, you were more like an additional grandmother. Since I struggled expressing myself through words, I decided to paint. As painted I realized the loss I felt was because you served as a point of reference of who I am and where I come from. You were like a living history book. Nevertheless, as I painted I was able to embrace your legacy of life and love that touched many generations. It was a ripple effect that will continue on to the generations to come.
Your impact has left a mark on my posture as wife, mother and woman of God. I will do my best to ensure your memory and legacy does not die within my heart. I feel responsible to carry out your message of love. You will still be my point of reference to the way I ought to live my life and the impact I desire to leave on my children’s children. For that I can find peace in this new season of life without you physically here. I am beyond grateful my daughter had the opportunity to meet you before you transitioned. You really held your role as first born child with such grace. I trust one day my daughter will too.
To the most seasoned woman I’ve ever known, I commend your dedication to serve all who were called to you no matter their age. You were a gift. A true jewel. I will always love you. I will miss you. Enjoy spreading your wings to fly!
