Early March of this year my precious mother-in-love so sweetly asked me to listen to a song. She wanted to know if I could prepare a dance. Well, if you don't know this woman of God, you should know she wouldn’t just ask this question by chance. I knew she was but a vessel in which the Father asked me "shall we dance?" What an honor! Before I even listened to the song I already knew I would say yes. I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and feelings.
I was in a new season where I was being stretched which required me to take leaps. Though I wasn’t fully surprised when asked to dance, I was a bit nervous. I was used to dancing -ministering- with a team. I enjoy how we feed off of each others energy. On the other hand, I was not used to choreographing an entire dance. Let alone ministering the entire song alone in front of who knows how many people. Nevertheless I took my time, prayed my way through and asked for God's guidance every step of the way. I started off by listening to the song. I needed to understand the story being told. I wanted to feel the magnitude of the message. Sadly, I didn't quite get the feeling I was hoping for right away. I figured, maybe I need to sit with the song for a while. I started playing the song in my living room during my daughter's playtime and began to move freely. I noticed several times my daughter would stop me, ask me to pick her up so she can dance with me. I felt this was God so sweetly illustrating, an eager child who was excited to dance in the arms of her mother and a willing mother embracing her daughter as they danced together. I was humbled by this moment. It was His way of showing me that I am the child and He is not just God but my Father. By accepting His initial invitation I nearbout in return asked Him 'shall we dance?' I felt His warmth, His comfort and His peace all throughout this moment with my daughter. I’m grateful He later confirmed this was not just a solo, this was our dance!
I knew the only way I could truly minister this dance was to first allow it to minister to me. I decided to watch other dancers minister the song. Despite my efforts, I felt discouraged. I couldn't find a soloist ministering this song, only groups. I kept thinking about the amount of pressure He was placing me under which is when doubt began to creep in. There were several moments I wanted to call my mother-in-love to back out or even ask to do the dance with someone else. Even so I knew that wasn't the right decision. This was a personal request. So I called in reinforcement, my dance leaders. They answered my call excited and proud. I shared what I had at the time and received such positive feedback and encouragement. When we got together they were able to pull out of me what I couldn't see or feel at the time. They reminded me of the dancer I am. This was my first time dancing since my daughter was born (roughly 16 months). No wonder I was feeling stuck. With their help I was able to tap into my secret place unashamed of what may come out. This allowed me to birth new moves and even a deeper confidence. Anyone who has ever ministered, whether it be through the word of God, a song, dance or prayer, you know you cannot be intimidated by doubt, fear or anxiety. You have to go forth in your own unique way with confidence. You must be secure in knowing that you are not alone and the power of Jesus Christ is within you.
While ministering, there are moments when unplanned words are said or in this instance moves are made. This is a moment of prophetic flow. After I solidified the choreograph for most of the song I knew there was a section that I needed to grant God access to move prophetically. Truthfully, I was fearful. Was I going to freeze because I hadn’t practiced free flowing wholeheartedly? This stretched me to believe God would work through me no matter when the moment happened. I had to jump knowing he would catch me. Then it happened! A few days before Mother’s Day, the day I was to dance, it all came together. Once the praise team finished rehearsing one particular evening it was my turn to practice. My sweet mother-in-love stayed in the sanctuary. Lord, have mercy, why?! I kept secretly praying God would complete the dance in this moment. I didn’t want my her thinking I wasn’t prepared for Sunday. Once the song came on I completely got out of my head. The fear was silenced. I was in my quiet place with God, doing what I love - dancing. It was just me and God. It was my first time experiencing the full dance. My heart was full. At this moment I knew I was ready.
Leading up to our Mother’s Day service I felt dancing a solo in front of others was an invasion of my personal relationship with God. I didn’t like the idea of people witnessing how I am in front of Him. I get real passionate, yall. Especially when I think about all He has done. This was definitely something I needed to get over. Who cares if others see my worship. It may be personal but it’s unto my Heavenly Father. My ability to dance was a gift He gave to me. I set in my heart that I wanted to honor my mother’s legacy and the heart’s desire of my mother-in-love. It was equally important to return my gift back to God, particularly on a day that used to cause me great pain. This was the 11th year celebrating Mother’s Day without my mother. I hated Mother’s Day for many, many years because it was a reminder of my loss, my pain. To experience great joy, peace and love this year was a relief. No, it was more than a relief, it was healing. I was able to gift my mother, my mother-in-love and God the gift of dance. I surrendered to God my life, my willingness and my pain. He didn't give me this gift to keep to myself but to glorify Him.
Sunday morning, before I ministered, I was reminded of God’s protection and assurance. It’s a huge blessing to see God’s love for us through the people who love us. I am grateful for my husband, our daughter, my family and my dance sisters. I was covered and felt secured throughout this entire journey. As I reflect on both services I see how my first dance was more technical whereas the second time I felt freer. Regardless, they were both powerful. I felt the magnitude of His presence which I’m beyond grateful for. No matter how I felt God continuously poured His love over me. I received heartfelt feedback from people who watched my dance. It touched my heart how much others were touched. To hear how moved both believers and non-believers were brought me great joy.
This dance was an illustration of my relationship with God. I gave my life to Christ at an early age. Then experienced heartache which began with the loss of my mother. My entire life flipped upside down there after leaving me in complete darkness for several years. No matter what I went through God never let me go. I am a living witness to that. He was always fighting on my behave. He consistently covered me throughout my mistakes then slowly but surely guided me back to Him. I often wondered what people went through when they say "when I look back over my life" or "when I think things over". I now have my own testimony of what those statements mean to me. When I think about the goodness of God or His faithfulness I get overwhelmed. When I think of the path of destruction I was living I see what mercy really is. Mercy said no! Jesus died so I may live. He paid the ultimate sacrifice so I can dance freely. When he says I will never leave you nor forsake you, He means it. For that we should all be grateful.
